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July 04 半年过了。。Half a year has just passed. So, what have you accomplished? I can ask you but i can't answer it myself. opps. This phrase kept moving on my mind these times : ‘算了。。算了。。
I've been falling sick, fever, flu, sore throat, eye infection seems to be visiting me rather often these days. *shoo...go away* . I was just on 3 days mc/home quaratine. Don't worry, i'm ok by now, not spreading germs
I've been looking forward to wkends? Are you also? Weekdays always seems so long, weekends always seem so short, right? Surely mah, weekday 5 days weekend 2 days. So busy in office these days. I've been snowballing. Luckily my wonderful team mate always help me out. But it seems like we've been making quite a fiar bit of mistakes these days. I declare i cock eye so i very scared to 4-eye. I need to do something about it. Can anyone advise me how to be more careful?
I've also seem how crude and evil some people maybe. How harsh, how practical this world is. There i go again, ‘算了。。算了。。It is really important to know how to 看开一点。But it's always easier said than done.
Are you happy? It seems hard to find happy people nowadays. Look around you. It seems like everyone has something to worry about. 开心也过一天，不开心也过一天. Why not choose to start a day feeling happy. I think my problem now is only i always start my day feeling sleepy instead. haha.Sometimes, just give yourself a break. Don't keep hanging onto all your worries 24/7. This is so as worrying may only worsen the situation right.
I keep telling myself 'opportunites doesn't come knocking at your door everyday' so i grab them. I want to hold them tight but i think that may also indicate more disappointment. There are times one want to move on but keep looking back. When one compares onself to the others, the following always seems true: the grass is always greener on the other side.
I want to be better off the other half of the year but i don't know what my benchmark is.
good nite =) June 07 i declare...i declare...
i feel like running away
i've not been saving
i want a different life
i don't feel like doing anything
i feel that some people are pushing me too much
i need to reflect more
i've low confidence
i feel deprive of being happy
i want to sing
i'm irritated easily these days
i feel ignored at times
i don't feel like doing anything
i need to be less sensitive
i want to make a difference
i feel like letting go
i don't feel like helping anymore
i need to feel alive
i'm not happy with what i've now
i feel useless at times
i want to buy things
i need to be more understanding
i'm blant
i din think b4 i speak at times
i want to make u smile
i'm not a nice person to be wif
i can't help but to compare
i want to laugh
i need good food
i feel poor
i'm tired
i want to ignore
i don't want to think too much
April 26 充实的一天It has been so long i had so much fun in a day. All thanks to xw n hz, today was such a wonderful saturday. As per last saturday, the sun was so freaking(this should be the 3rd time right) hot but it did not dampen our 'adventurous' mood to venture into different places.
We started off our 'Photography Trip' at Little India. This is the first time we're walking around that area alone. We were still thinking that we may bypass Farrer Park Station and all the temples there. Oh well, as i said this is the first time we are at this place, we just walked and walked. Before we know it we're already at Sim Lim Tower. We were thinking that since we were already at Bugis area, we shall got take a look at Haji Lane. But only for me, in Haji Lane, I can't stop shopping. haha.....i wanted to go to all the shops (even though they are selling stuffs that are quite expensive). 令可杀错不可放过的精神。Poor ladies, so tired but still have to go in and out those shops.
After window shopping, we walked to Arab Street. It seems to us that Arab Street was much more exciting than Little India as it was less commercialized. HZ was looking for charm to make new necklace. Thus, we tried to look for those shops selling 'materials' for making jewelry. It was then the sun starts to go down. We were getting hungry, thirsty and tired. So, we walked all the way to Purivs Street for a Thai dinner at First Thai Restaurant. The phad thai, pandan chicken, thai kway teow (can't rmb what is the thai name), tom yam soup and the super nice thai ice tea which taste like yuan yang. It is orange in colour though. We rest our tired feet and had our dinner.
This is not the end. We continued our walk to cityhall and make our way to Marina Barrage. The place is big. The night scene is not bad, considered that this is singapore. This is the night, after so many hot days, that I had so much wind blowing on my face. Only one word to describe: 爽. We tried so hard to take photos that are not blur without a tripod stand. As usual, my shaky hands aren't friendly. My wonderful camera also didn't 配合for the whole time that we were there. It declare dead and never woke up again. No batt.
So much fun today. We chat. We crap. We eat. We walk. We took photos.I took 105 photos today. 谢谢妹妹们!!~~
April 21 推动力。。。work seems quite aimless these days, partly cos i'm not setting any goals or direction for myself. i just want to lead a 9-6 life. dun want any ot. dun want to reach office too early. i want to take leave. i want to go for holiday (again). 工作不开心不知道为什么。。maybe i'm finding more 'trouble' for myself. sometimes when if i just close one eye, life will be much simpler. i flipped recruit yesterday. there seems to be nothing much of my interest.
ok. shall not talk about work. cos it's after work hours now. haha. this week seems so freaking slow. it was monday blue, now only pathetic tuesday. can't wait for this wkend to come and do things that i enjoy/like. March 06 *sigh**sigh* this is how i feel like ending the current work week. it just give me a moment, yes, really just a moment of relief. This ends up to be the constant dose that i have been taking for days. Work has been stress these days. or maybe, it is i'm bad at stress management. it's not easy/possible to please everyone. It is not possible to complete daily work. I do not mind taking up more things. I do not mind staying up late. I just need a little more motivation and a little less pessimism. The worse is yet to come. i want to survive! February 24 but why...why are there days where i'm tired..but i dun feel like slping...
times where i'm hungry but i dun feel like eating....
times will be worse when even good food can't make me feel better...
money does't motivate me at all...this means tat if u gif me a 1 millon dollar cheque now..i only say 'orh...thank you'....
i seem to almost everything that i need now except for direction and motivation...
everytime oso think so much...dunno for wat...
evertime oso complain so much....maybe dunno tat the real prob lies in me....maybe sld try to tok lesser tml....
sometimes i'm juz not thinking when i'm toking....tat makes me always reflect what i've said previously...
sometimes things happen..after thinking...most of the time..by default... it juz seems like my fault...
January 03 Simply Messy....my room is in a freaking big mess now...i've been such a big rubbish collector...today's muz go by the rule of throw throw throw...cleared 1/3 of my clothes out few days ago (which means capacity to buy more also)...now i want to throw those things that i 终于舍得丢掉....but it's hard to define 舍得...
decided to sent all the negatives with the photos taken mainly in sec sch into cd...$5 per roll sounds ok...but i've sent 16 rolls for processing...after doing some math...it's $80...i can feel the pinch..but these are those memories i don't want to lose it...on top of this..i think i'll be developing some photos for some special events such as convocation...21st bdae...oh...more money...if any nice person knows where to get cheaper rates..pls share with me...n who knows where have cheap laminating svs...i want to laminate all those class photos taken in pri sch...photos taken in trips overseas...cos i feel that once these are gone...it'll be gone forever..juz like that photos i took in canada..it's gone...i'm only left with my imcomplete copy in this blog...
looking at all the brochures that collected when travelling ard...even receipts...i still do feel 不舍得..everything to me is juz like part of some memory...i'm not exactly sure of what i'm afraid to lose...or maybe just that i don't want to lose it...i keep turning back n look at the mess i crated in my room...i only sense that i think i'm keeping too much stuffs...ok...i'll go pack up now...大工程!! December 19 year end...so fast...another year is coming to an end...i feel as though i'm on a roller coaster these days...motivation swinging from one positive end to a negative end...like you..i felt that i;ve gone beyond the tired stage..i'm feeling drained...they say that i'm pessimistic...but the fact is tat i've tried to be mosre optimistic...keep feeling like running away...but the only path have one way which is to face it...it's not matter of choice...keep rethinking what is keeping me going...seems to grasp it..but like the next moment it's gone...challenge can make us stronger...but it's a matter of if one can get pass it...everyday is like fighting a war...n i cannot see when i can end work everyday..it's like it's living in unpredictable like everyday...lunch is all abt feeling stomach but not about eating food...it is a blessing to be able to see daylight when i leave office...n eat dinner at home with food that is not cold...able to catch my parents and chat with them...blessing to not always juz grumble and complain...it seems like i'm almost at the end of world war one...but i can already feel world war two coming...when there's a new war coming...it means a fiercer war..with imporved weapons....change is the only constant...n i need to be the change.... November 15 OMGIFAfter months of working, this is the first time i felt OMGIF (OMG, it's friday). There no tinge of TGIF except the urge to go off earlier and not continue to OT. It's hard for me to meet almost all my deadlines, i mean datelines. but i i've to admit, i felt so dead after i missed any datelines. There are just so many tasks on hand that i'm not sure where to start from. Prioritize? Does it mean by completing the most important thing (how to define most important? by dateline? difficulty?) first and leaving the rest undone? Does it mean by doing the most important things first and still do a bit for the other tasks?
now i'm just in this shit, i mean state where i've too many pending, work in progress tasks that (my big boss describe this as) i'm so tied up now (OT doesn't help much) as i'm confused, not organized, not managing my workload effectively. The only outcome that i've is more tasks that are pending, in progress and minimal are closed. This will have adverse impact of my work ability/performance if one's criteria of judging my ability/performance is task closed. I've not 'taste' much brainless administrative work since i start working. there is a must for me to think very hard to complete the tasks allocated to me. Initiatally, i was thinking of asking for a performance review for my work in these months. but i think i should give that i miss so that my morale and motivation will not be affected so much. =s
currently, i'm learning computing, formuating formulae(most i never knew it exist) in both word and excel. Requirement of task requires 150% concentration (can i skip all my meetings and forget all my other tasks?), 100% logic thinking (i end up formulating formulae in my mind when bathing, walking, on bus), 300% time (i'm doing and learning at the same time as it is so new and tedious). so.......
=if(and(who="zsz",ability="fast learner",skill="tasks management expert",skill="computing expert",concentration="150%",Logic="100%",Effectiveness="300%"),"meet datelines","meet deadlines")
October 24 fate & luckit seems like i've been juggling with these 2 terms for a long long time or much more recently. Caught unexpected at times, praying hard for it to come at times. Letting it just pass by or holding it tightly. Taking it seriously or playing with it. Some regrets, much thinking. sometimes you say that it's luck but can it just be fate. sometimes you feel that it's fate but it may just be luck. Fated for life, lucky for life or it's just stopping by for the moment.
both have unknown endings though. October 22 walking in the rain....the weather these days are juz exactly like my mood theses days..it changes....so tired these days too....depressing at times....ok at the other times...very quiet for some moments..then tok none stop at the other...smiling...then stern look...感触良多...suddenly...头脑空空....mp says my eyes look smaller today...muz be i lack of slp...but there are some nites..i juz feel so tired...but dun feel like slping....enjoyed the short walk in the rain today...feeling sick again....juz hope i wun be sick tml...
time flies.... October 11 nothing...hmmz..so long since i last blogged....now...incoherent tots...mixed feelings...so many things in mind...so little to be said...
met my uni frenz for dinner...some of them still had to ot till quite late...it has only been months after we graduate....but no one seems really happy about working...each of them seems to be facing different problems...so this is all about work....so what is your motivation of work?
it has already been one month since i started this job..but everytime when i think back abt the 3 months that i worked previously...i seriously still miss those time....so much fun....seems like the general has given up...but i have the opportunity...i am really willing to go back and fight the war with you pple...even if i know it's a war on the losing end....cos i know we'll be fighting together....
glad to see you recover...cos it makes my heart ache to see u go thru the whole thing...gd that you did not remember anything...cos it was such a terrible nigtmare that is best left unknown...
seems to be losing out on a lot of things...i want to hold onto everything...i still hope that time can pass faster...i want to understand more...i want to accept more...i want to think more....i want to help more...i only want to be happy...i need affirmation...i want u to listen...i need you to ask...need something different...need to keep the old ones...
i dun want to be left alone...dun want to doubt myself...dun want to doubt you...dun want to feel out....dun want to keep quiet...dun want you to leave...
September 15 still as lost..no direction...no motivation too...no mood....no support...no energy...nothing to look forward to...juz trying to push myself everyday...i'm trying to be positive...trying to laugh...trying to look happy....trying to take things easier...trying not to think too much...trying not to judge too soon...trying to try harder...trying...trying... September 07 am i still dreaming....i still feel that i'm still dreaming...things happened too fast and too complicated...emotions need to be changing fast till i can't even grasp what i'm feeling....i am quite drained...both physically (it's not easy to be going for 7 interviews in 4 days)...mentally strained (interview kills brain cells).....juz when i think i can breathe...i'm out of air again...there a need to manage so much uncertainty....there are so many questions to ask...and so many pple to seek advice...some say i am always lucky...but one only feel lucky when one has been unlucky before...it's like i can only understand and cherish happiness is after i've felt so down before...
i'm going for holiday again...ya...again...i still feel that i need a break...cos i need to wake up from my dream... August 26 Silent Screamit keep wondering if the problem lies in me....not dun haf but dun want...n just when i tot i found the rite one...i dun even haf a chance to haf it....i thot i did not haf the least but i get the least...when i think i can handle it...i realised i can't....when i think i'm there...i realised i'm not...maybe i took the wrong step...or maybe it's juz fate that i haf to pass thru it...i can only hope that no matter what happen...they can juz make stronger....i need to be stronger.....
sometimes i just need to scream...but i can only do it silently.... August 04 The 3 things about Bangkok (Part 2)We keep visiting wat. this wat that wat. Countless of buddha.
That is the day that we took so many photos. Let me show you how beauthful the temples are. Simply Shiney & Colourful
Floating market is where we have been looking forward to as we are looking forward to taking nice pictures there but it was rather a disappointment. So tourist-y, so crowded. We even get lost, not sure of where to meet the tour guide. Oh well, we only get lost when we are going with tour group. We don't seem to lose our way on our own.
So much about visiting different locations in bangkok. We did stupid things like waiting for sunset to grab nice pictures. but nature can't be forced. one can't predict when a big block of clouds will block the sun. And we kept wondering how to get such nice colours in the sky at Wat Arun like those in post cards. The sun is at opposite side of the wat. It was just a few minutes ago that xw told me that we can never get to see such nice sky behind wat arun during sun set. This is because wat arun is the temple of dawn. It means that only during sunrise that we can ge the 'post card effect'. so dumb of us to wait.
And lastly bangkok is a cheap shopping heaven
so many regrets. should have bought much more stuffs. Bangkok- I'll be back !!
*Complete photo album is uploaded =)
The 3 things about Bangkok (Part 1)bangkok is simply made up of 'wat' (which means temple), food and shopping. Had a wonderful trip. Really enjoyed myself and forget abt every sad thing that has been bothering me. This is really a good break. But all these fun will not be possible without my common interest (keep taking photo non stop) kaki xw. thanks gal!
We love local market. That is where we felt that we can see a different side of bangkok. That is why the 1st place we went to is a local market- Or Tor Kor Fresh Food Market. We had a free trip there due to a trade with the taxi driver. He wanted to bring us to a gem factory. He said that he can get 5 litre of free petrol if he brings us there. Being very wary, xw and I were rather reluctant to step into these con-tourist-money places. But in the end, he convinced us. Oh well, we only walked less thatn 5 min in the shop. I was still telling xw that he can just drive off after we alight from the taxi. When we were out of the shop, it's true, we found his taxi, but he was no where to be found. Luckily xw insisted that we should wait for him as he promised a free trip down. He really did come back and we really didn't pay for the trip down. haha.
ok. Let me continue with the food market. Be it fresh vegetables, seafood, meat, cooked food, message, clothes & bags can be found there:
Cooked food like 'cai fan', dessert, kueh and the very nice duck noodle that we ate
Ingredients for cooking such as spices and paste, garlic mountain
Fruits and other thai tibits
And the stalls selling other staffs and those 'portable' stall
And since i'm already sharing about food, let me show you the kind of food that i've been trying these nice. Most of them are nice ones =) i love to eat!!
this is fried pineapple served in morning buffet breakfast. And due to the special liking of xw, we had tom yam kung for 3 days. haha. and the thing that never goes wrong is noodle soup. simply yummy.
Or Tor Kor Fresh Food market looks so clean and bright. But don't assume that that is the norm. We visited another local market - Thewet Fresh Food Market. This time round, i really mean LOCAL.
It is dark, wet and smelly. We looked like aliens walking in it as they are really the local people selling food to the locals. And i really mean FRESH food market as the fish that was lying there are still breathing. The crabs are still crawing and eels are still swimming.
Food stalls can be found at every corner of bangkok. These are others that i saw. The even sell dim sum! And see how much Thai people respect and love their King, the dim sem uncle has a picture of the king and queen at his little trolly stall.
Ok. That is all for today. Shall show more about the Wat in bangkok and the floating market. 5.5 hours to sleep. Can't imagine that i was still shopping madly yesterday and tomorrow i'll be back in office again. And singapore weather is seriously hotter than bangkok. Time to sneak into the air-con room to sleep.haha. July 26 words cut...hmmz...feeling rather down these days...confidence level continue to fall....maybe i'm juz too sensitive...maybe i think too much...maybe i take it too hard...but somethings that you all say hurts...i may look ok...i can still smile...but deep inside..it hurts...i swallowed my tears....i keep back my words....n i cannot forget what you've said...i take it to heart...to you..it may only be a casual remark...to me...it hits me hard on my face....it discourages me...it makes me less confident...it spoils my day...maybe..maybe...i'm juz lousy.....no..i i'm lousy...i know...dun need to say it again.. June 15 same same but differentwhat is fate..i asked my fren..is it keep seeing someone that u really want to see unintendtionally or is it keep seeing someone that u really don't want to see unintendtionally...my fren shakes her head...she told me it's juz keep seeing the same person. maybe this is just the correct ans...but there are juz some pple u hope you wun see again in your life...
why is it always so hard to strike a balance btwn need and want. at one glance it maybe the same. at the deeper level, are they are really diff. it's juz like i need a good job and i want a good job. tell me the difference btwn these 2? i need to remember something do i really want to remember them? 1 want to forget somethings but do i really want to forget them? i want to push myself beyond my limits but do i need to do so? i want to take a break but do i really need it?
these days..i juz feel that i've so many things that i have (i also dunno if these are needs or wants) to do...n my time..my life is running out soon...will ever haf the chance...energy and time to do them...
hmmz...a new chapter of my life is starting or already has started...but now i'm leading a 力不从心 life...so much aspirations...so little motivation...
i oso dunno what i'm typing....juz know that i need to type something...n dear all who's reading my blog...do sms me ur blog add...it's gone wif my laptop...my laptop has got a new brain... May 21 Graduation Trip...successful graduation trip: it does not depend on where you are going. it does not depend on how much you are spending. it does not depend on how many days you are going. it is rated by who you are going with and how much fun and laughther you had. i am glad to be on the trip with xy, ht, xr n ain. we had much laughter (much that sometimes on the expense of someone. it's always fun to haf you ard)
So happy to see the photos that i've taken with the new, cheap camera that i bought online previously. To me (maybe becuase i'm the one who took the photos), i am satisfied with the'effect' that it has created. As i said, darker ad edges, colours are brighter. i reallised i can trace the ray of lights, brick walls looked more 3D. I can only show to u pple if any kind souls can help me scan those photos. simply love them. Happy that his trip provided me another opportunity to take photos, something that i've been yearning for. i saw beautiful sunset both in ocean park and on the plane. these are the scenes that i can't resist taking more photos.
I have regrets from this trip also, i think i've not bought enough stuffs from hk. with the thought of excess baggage in mind, it's hard to shop too hard. haha. i only bought 3 bags, 3 tops, 2 bottoms n i belt for myself. now, i keep having the thought 'i should have bought XXXXX'. Too late, but, oh well, i'm sure i'll still be back to hk for shopping when i've some savings. (it is negative now, if i consider the amt i owe my parents)
as a whole hong kong is a city that is rather similar to singapore. thus, it is not hard for us to navigate around. It just has more modes of transportation such as ferry. the cab fare is rather cheap also. MTR that works like out MRT. Much that their MTR station underpass has endless flight of stairs and slopes, it has many many exits that can lead you to all the main buildings/streets around that area. however, do note the differences when you want to board the train. in singapore, we usually stand slanted from the sliding door of the train. this maybe so as we follow the yellow lines drawn on the floor. however, in hk, the queue facing straight to the door. so you will spot columns of straight queue facing the door. As they have a fixed rate for their bus, u need not tap your card when u alight. Whereas for mini bus, the uncle will only pick up customers when there is still a place to sit on the bus. no standing is allowed. travelling on escalator, it is an upspoken rule to stand on the right unless u're walking up. So much that my cultural intelligence lesson has taught me, to spot for cultural cues.
so much walking those days. tone my tighs. blister on other's feet. all we yearn for every night is to rest on our bed.
Day 1
Arrived in hk hungry and tired, we still conquer the Big Buddha.
had the nicest vegetarian lunch in 22 yrs
We decided to shop at Citygate. it is a shopping mall of outlet shops from addidas, nike to espirit. headed to airport to collect our baggage. we head back to the hotel in the evening. Dinner at mac (the food is slightly diff too. also, more types of drink to choose from). i was quite lost when ordering. Shop around temple street.
Day 2
walk ard Central area. shop at the big big H&M store. so many pretty things inside. it's hard to decide what to buy.after so, we had nice wanton noodle for lunch. the whole wanton is made of prawns yummy. walk around their 'market' to experience they way they buy meat, vege, fruits.
After visiting ifc mall, u can name any branded shops, i think it's there, we make our way to The Peak.
standing on a 45 degree tram moving up a slope is not that easy. beautiful scenes though. nice for taking wedding photo =)
When we reach the peak, we head to Madame Tussauds. This is the place where i get to take so many photos with different 'guys' haha
not forgeting the pretty ladies
Went up the sky terrace after dinner at BK. It is freaking cold up there at night.
took star ferry back to tsim sha tsui. had our first 水流山dessert
Walk along the harbour side to ave of stars
Day 3
Yeah! Ocean Park
very very hot day, i had sun burnt on my shoulder by the time i was back. however, i feel that it's worth it. i 'graduated' from ocean park as i hop onto all the rides, even those that i never thought i have the courage to sit on. i can't take too much excitement from these rides. my heart cannot take it. haha
enjoyed the sea animals show
cheong into the different aquariums
and it's already sunset.
Day 4
This is an official shopping day. 旺角中心, ladies market is enough to make one feel guilty shopping. The fishball noodle for lunch is very good. the fishball is handmade
Viewed sympony of light. it is amazing how they coordinate the lights on all the building with the music. had very good deseert at 糖朝. the bean curd is so smooth, it comes in a small wooden barrel.
Day 5
Finally we get to eat dim sum in hk
took a long bus ride to stanley market
went back to 旺角 area to shop again. 买东西吃东西. ate some 'snacks' from temple street too.
Day 6
Leave HK fro Macau. To me, Macau is a place to take photos only. haha. not forgeting the egg tarts =)
Had dinner at Miami Fodd court. i finally understand what a food court is.
We wanted to visit a casino, but it seems like our interest doesn't lie in casino. we ended up here:
Day 7
Had a very filling breakfast and bought our egg tarts
Look at my smoked salmon in bagel, the meat loave. yum yum.
Walking around the area, we reached a church. Heard from xy. it's where the korean drama 'Gong' shot their last episode.
Soon, we're on the flight back to singapore. The auntie changed seat with me. And there goes the beautiful sunset
Do check the photo album uploaded for more photos =)
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