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July 26 words cut...hmmz...feeling rather down these days...confidence level continue to fall....maybe i'm juz too sensitive...maybe i think too much...maybe i take it too hard...but somethings that you all say hurts...i may look ok...i can still smile...but deep inside..it hurts...i swallowed my tears....i keep back my words....n i cannot forget what you've said...i take it to heart...to you..it may only be a casual remark...to me...it hits me hard on my face....it discourages me...it makes me less confident...it spoils my day...maybe..maybe...i'm juz lousy.....no..i i'm lousy...i know...dun need to say it again.. June 15 same same but differentwhat is fate..i asked my fren..is it keep seeing someone that u really want to see unintendtionally or is it keep seeing someone that u really don't want to see unintendtionally...my fren shakes her head...she told me it's juz keep seeing the same person. maybe this is just the correct ans...but there are juz some pple u hope you wun see again in your life...
why is it always so hard to strike a balance btwn need and want. at one glance it maybe the same. at the deeper level, are they are really diff. it's juz like i need a good job and i want a good job. tell me the difference btwn these 2? i need to remember something do i really want to remember them? 1 want to forget somethings but do i really want to forget them? i want to push myself beyond my limits but do i need to do so? i want to take a break but do i really need it?
these days..i juz feel that i've so many things that i have (i also dunno if these are needs or wants) to do...n my time..my life is running out soon...will ever haf the chance...energy and time to do them...
hmmz...a new chapter of my life is starting or already has started...but now i'm leading a 力不从心 life...so much aspirations...so little motivation...
i oso dunno what i'm typing....juz know that i need to type something...n dear all who's reading my blog...do sms me ur blog add...it's gone wif my laptop...my laptop has got a new brain... May 21 Graduation Trip...successful graduation trip: it does not depend on where you are going. it does not depend on how much you are spending. it does not depend on how many days you are going. it is rated by who you are going with and how much fun and laughther you had. i am glad to be on the trip with xy, ht, xr n ain. we had much laughter (much that sometimes on the expense of someone. it's always fun to haf you ard)
So happy to see the photos that i've taken with the new, cheap camera that i bought online previously. To me (maybe becuase i'm the one who took the photos), i am satisfied with the'effect' that it has created. As i said, darker ad edges, colours are brighter. i reallised i can trace the ray of lights, brick walls looked more 3D. I can only show to u pple if any kind souls can help me scan those photos. simply love them. Happy that his trip provided me another opportunity to take photos, something that i've been yearning for. i saw beautiful sunset both in ocean park and on the plane. these are the scenes that i can't resist taking more photos.
I have regrets from this trip also, i think i've not bought enough stuffs from hk. with the thought of excess baggage in mind, it's hard to shop too hard. haha. i only bought 3 bags, 3 tops, 2 bottoms n i belt for myself. now, i keep having the thought 'i should have bought XXXXX'. Too late, but, oh well, i'm sure i'll still be back to hk for shopping when i've some savings. (it is negative now, if i consider the amt i owe my parents)
as a whole hong kong is a city that is rather similar to singapore. thus, it is not hard for us to navigate around. It just has more modes of transportation such as ferry. the cab fare is rather cheap also. MTR that works like out MRT. Much that their MTR station underpass has endless flight of stairs and slopes, it has many many exits that can lead you to all the main buildings/streets around that area. however, do note the differences when you want to board the train. in singapore, we usually stand slanted from the sliding door of the train. this maybe so as we follow the yellow lines drawn on the floor. however, in hk, the queue facing straight to the door. so you will spot columns of straight queue facing the door. As they have a fixed rate for their bus, u need not tap your card when u alight. Whereas for mini bus, the uncle will only pick up customers when there is still a place to sit on the bus. no standing is allowed. travelling on escalator, it is an upspoken rule to stand on the right unless u're walking up. So much that my cultural intelligence lesson has taught me, to spot for cultural cues.
so much walking those days. tone my tighs. blister on other's feet. all we yearn for every night is to rest on our bed.
Day 1
Arrived in hk hungry and tired, we still conquer the Big Buddha.
had the nicest vegetarian lunch in 22 yrs
We decided to shop at Citygate. it is a shopping mall of outlet shops from addidas, nike to espirit. headed to airport to collect our baggage. we head back to the hotel in the evening. Dinner at mac (the food is slightly diff too. also, more types of drink to choose from). i was quite lost when ordering. Shop around temple street.
Day 2
walk ard Central area. shop at the big big H&M store. so many pretty things inside. it's hard to decide what to buy.after so, we had nice wanton noodle for lunch. the whole wanton is made of prawns yummy. walk around their 'market' to experience they way they buy meat, vege, fruits.
After visiting ifc mall, u can name any branded shops, i think it's there, we make our way to The Peak.
standing on a 45 degree tram moving up a slope is not that easy. beautiful scenes though. nice for taking wedding photo =)
When we reach the peak, we head to Madame Tussauds. This is the place where i get to take so many photos with different 'guys' haha
not forgeting the pretty ladies
Went up the sky terrace after dinner at BK. It is freaking cold up there at night.
took star ferry back to tsim sha tsui. had our first 水流山dessert
Walk along the harbour side to ave of stars
Day 3
Yeah! Ocean Park
very very hot day, i had sun burnt on my shoulder by the time i was back. however, i feel that it's worth it. i 'graduated' from ocean park as i hop onto all the rides, even those that i never thought i have the courage to sit on. i can't take too much excitement from these rides. my heart cannot take it. haha
enjoyed the sea animals show
cheong into the different aquariums
and it's already sunset.
Day 4
This is an official shopping day. 旺角中心, ladies market is enough to make one feel guilty shopping. The fishball noodle for lunch is very good. the fishball is handmade
Viewed sympony of light. it is amazing how they coordinate the lights on all the building with the music. had very good deseert at 糖朝. the bean curd is so smooth, it comes in a small wooden barrel.
Day 5
Finally we get to eat dim sum in hk
took a long bus ride to stanley market
went back to 旺角 area to shop again. 买东西吃东西. ate some 'snacks' from temple street too.
Day 6
Leave HK fro Macau. To me, Macau is a place to take photos only. haha. not forgeting the egg tarts =)
Had dinner at Miami Fodd court. i finally understand what a food court is.
We wanted to visit a casino, but it seems like our interest doesn't lie in casino. we ended up here:
Day 7
Had a very filling breakfast and bought our egg tarts
Look at my smoked salmon in bagel, the meat loave. yum yum.
Walking around the area, we reached a church. Heard from xy. it's where the korean drama 'Gong' shot their last episode.
Soon, we're on the flight back to singapore. The auntie changed seat with me. And there goes the beautiful sunset
Do check the photo album uploaded for more photos =)
May 18 supress ≠ releaseback from hk...it's juz one nite of slp...n i realised that i've been supressing all my emotions before the trip during the trip...reality already hit me hard in morning...cos all the things i dun feel like doing re-start again....hk is juz run away from the harsh reality... May 07 我只想要简单的快乐。。。everyone likes to say...it's holiday for you...you must be very happy...come tell me...what is there to be happy about?...happy that i've no direction now...happy that i find it so hard to do the things that i really want to do...happy that i have no chance to get to the places that i really want to go...happy that i fell down one day after my last paper...happy that i'm falling sick again...happy that it's home alone everyday...happy that i'm watching comedy...n realised that i'm only laughing alone cos i've been watching it alone...happy that there are so many things to do..but i'm juz not motivated enough...happy that there is still constant pressure on looking for a job...happy that sometimes i find it hard to reject some things that i don't like.....happy that my bank account is getting closer n closer to zero...happy that i get irritated by some pple but i cannot say can u pls be less annoying...
hope that the hk trip can gif me a gd break...n allow me to forget all the stuffs waiting for me here... 我只想要简单的快乐。。。 May 01 怕死。。。怕死。。。怕死。。。终于pass了。。。
not that i want to discourage or scare those who has yet to get a driving license...i've to say....(at least to me)..driving was a nightmare...not only it burns ur pocket...it is package with naggings/scoldings....
my dad is very nice...the first thing he asked me was if i shall buy the P plate from my bro..(does this imply that i should drive his car?)....he's even nicer when he ask me to continue to learn driving...oh well..he mean class 4...he say learn it soon cos i'm still in the learning-how-to-drive momentum...he happily told me that he is very willing to loan me money to learn..it's going to cost $1000++...n the private learning center will be shifting soon...so it'll be better if i start learning soon...不要吓我拉。。。
today tyco pass (i think i did bump a bit on the kerb when doing vert parking)...din check all spots....turn right keep left.....drag gear....反应迟钝...see my tester so nice...still let me pass...thos who are taking test..pls dun learn from me...
Special thanks to Mr Ang for giving me the opportunity to fill up he pocket every week...ok lah...also to endure all my stupid mistakes.....气到头痛.....CK for accompanying me for the long train ride to eunos....this do help me ease some of my nervous-ness...KL for pulling me back on track when i totally gave up...dunno y..u're always great in doing this..haha..XY n XR...for celebrating (spending money) with me...waiting for me for so long in tortured feets and hungry stomachs...daddy for loaning me money..it'll be better if i need not return...Bro who keep feeding me wif driving tips...n all who sent me well wishes....谢谢大家。。。 April 21 my life...
1) i haf to miss lesson next wk cos my toe still hurts 2) can i handle my driving test with my condition now? 3) mr ang say he will still charge me for circuit if cannot find pple to take over 4) my toe begin to swell a bit le 5) the wound at my elbow is not healing v well 6) the new solution for the wound is much more pain then the new one 7) it seems like my parents are pressing me to get a job soon 8) it seems like they feel that i'm not trying to look for job at all 9) i can't go to my fav hangout place- grandma's house..cos i can't let her know that i injured myself...cannot make her worry 10) everyone ask me to stay at home...at certain time of the day..it juz feel so bad to have to stay at home all alone... 11) so many things that i need/want to do/go outside 12) no one is free now..it feels like disturbing others to whine to pple now... 13) looking down the msn list n hp list...it's hard to find someone to whine to is this enuff?...i still got more...thank you xy for opening up the cap for this bottle of feelings that i'm having now....
April 18 1st day after examsoh well..i started my morning by remembering the wrong time for driving...so he changed to this afternoon....so i went grandma's house instead....today's circuit...n dunno y i juz can't ctrl my biting pt today...after driving...i boaded a non air con bus 93...it's quite warm....at one moment i was msging ck n mum...the next moment...i was lying on the floor of eunos interchange....i juz alighting from the bus as usual...
oh well...as there is a slope at the alighting pt at eunos interchange....while alighting...i trip over the section pointed by the red arrow....i landed on the ground...i think i as unconsious for a few seconds...black out and i wasn't moving at all...after a short well..i begin hearing some voices asking if i'm alright...i saw a few unfamilar faces....one of them hold me up to a sitting position....i was still a bit giddy....the bus uncle came..he ask if i'm ok n if it's his fault..once i say dun worry it's not ur fault..he juz walked away....so nice of him...one of the kind stranger carried me to the seats near by..that is when i realised that the second toe on my left feet hurts so badly i can't walk well..i was limping...also...i realised a big cut on my right elbow (hi, new scar) so dirty and bleeding badly...another hao xin ren helped me ask where the nearest clinic is....the staion has one....soon..all the hao xin ren oso left le...i wanted to walk to the opposite end of the station to get to the clinic...but i realised that my toe hurts so badly that i can't walk for far...i sat down again after walking for a short distance.....
after calling mum n ck.....n drying my tears (i'm simply a cry baby..but i can't help it =s)...i struggled to the opp end of the station...the nurse at the counter gif a 'eewww' face when she saw my cut....but as a ctry tat needs to follow standard operating procedure...i need to reg...it was hard to get things out of my bad with a bleeding elbow...i can't even rmb what my hp no was when she asked me...after waiting for 1 patient..it was finally my turn....i can't help it but cry again when i tell the doc what happened....he wants to make sure that i din land with my head...but seriously..i'm not sure how i land...but looking at elbow..i sld haf landed there...he isn't sure if i did fractured/broke my toe...as the swell n other symptoms will only occur after a few days..(pls help me pray...i dun need another x-ray)....he pressed diferent parts of my feet n injured toe..to determine where did i hurt..the center part pain is killing me when he pressed it...he can only bandaged it with my third toe...he checked if i did hurt my back...arms...n leg...no major injury at those places...but when he saw my soiled jeans at knee area...he want me to roll it up...not so bad...left side witha big red patch...a little skin gone..right side has a big blue black...(welcome..join the other one that i just had 2 days ago)...
he asked...haf u had any injection that prevents inflammation（破伤风）? i said that i only had influenza injection yesterday....he washed my cut.....quite a few deep cuts...as the elbow is dirted by soil n dirt...he has to rub it hard to get rid of them...that is called to rub sand acorss the wound...i can only look down and say that it's still bearable...hmmz...n it's the 'diptheria,tentantus,pertussis' injection....my left hand was gone yesterday...now my right hand is gone too...(at least i've got one more thing written on the card that records vaccination schedule)....moment of injection is always not tat pain..it's the aftermath 'paralysed' feeling that i dun like...it cost quite some amount for the solutions....dressing n injection..but i guessed..these are the money that can't be saved...n i still haf to walk to the other side of the station to withdraw money...my poor toe...
i straggled to the road side to get a cab...but most were busy....n there is still a evil indian that juz walk down the road that i was standing at and hop up a cab earlier than me....long journey back....thinking of all my plans after exam...it seems like all has to be shoved to a later date...n hopefully...the toe will not be a hinderence of hk trip...maybe there's juz a price to pay to end exams earlier....
(if there is any spelling/ grammer mistake...pls forgive..i'm juz thinking and typing at the same time....while feeling the pain on my elbow...the weak right arm)
dun worry..i'm ok..n sorry mum, dad n ck to shock you pple n affect your evenings... April 10 new lovers.................April 02 it's time to change...i know tat you've been ard for long....there are times i feel that it's a must to bring you out everywhere i go....we travel ard singapore and even overseas...spent so much time tgt....i'm reallly proud of you for the things that you've done...at times..i feel so lost without you...
but..
time changes everything...as time pass..you changed..you're not as reliable as you were initially...there are times you juz disappoint me....i'm so sorry...but i've already been thinking about a few better ones....hmmmz...
so sld it be a Canon SLR or Nikon SLR?...
on no...i got new love....
The Vivitar Ultra Wide & Slim is the new highly sought after cult camera which produces amazing results from its ultra-wide 22mm plastic lens. Cool distortions & vignetting, amazing flare when pointed into the sun, massive depth of field. If you're into lomo, holga, toy camera etc then the Vivitar adds a new dimension, and is so compact you really can take it anywhere. ONLY $21...excl the $$ i need to buy n develop films...but this is so excitig.... check this out :http://www.flickr.com/groups/57074580@N00/pool/ March 19 driving...thank you to all who wish me with the best of luck these days...i guessed i scored 100% for luck...reallly..i got a new tester who is nice....i got almost the best route...but sorry to say...i din make it...it's not juz i din make it..i did badly =( ...oh well i guessed...luck is not the only thing....i lack 3 Cs..first is capability...it seems like my skills are not good yet especially under stress......2nd is confidence....even the tester tell me that i dunno y i had no confidence on road at all....neither do i know y...or i sld say...i always dun haf confidence...i've always been someone with low self efficacy...cos i dunno what do i have to show or prove that i'm good....n lastly..i lack cash...sorry to say..for those who gave me ang bao last wk...i got 4 ang baos...all has went to my driving....end of story.....but i very disappointed...cos i managed to do everything juz b4 the test...... March 14 白色情人节 白色情人节流行于日本、韩国、台湾等地区，是我们所知道的西方情人节的延续，在送礼方面也不同：具体为2月14日女送男朱古力，3月14日男便要回送礼品一份。而另有意见认为，白色情人节算是男生的福音。 白色情人节即WHITEDAY，最早起源于三世纪时的罗马。罗马皇帝在2月14日救了一对因为原本因违反恋爱结婚禁令而要被处死的恋人，罗马皇帝为了纪念这一天而设立了情人节。而在一个月后的3月14日，这对获救的恋人宣誓恋情将至死不渝，为纪念这一天，于是另订为白色情人节。 另外，这也是跟日本的民间传说有关的一个情人节。二月十四号原本是女孩子对男孩子诉诸情意的日子，由女孩子送情人礼物给男孩子，但是渐渐发展到最后，已经不分彼此，现在的情人节由谁主动送礼物已经不重要了。在日本，如果一方在二月十四日当天收到异性送的情人礼物表达爱意，而且对对方也有同样的好感或情意时，就会在三月十四日回送对方一份情人礼物，表示今年彼此已经心心相印了。所以他们就把三月十四日这一天，订为“白色情人节”。 March 07 scary walk...today...when i was trying to get to the bus stop..the lights at the flight of stairs and void deck will be turned off at ard 7am...i was very careful when walking down from the 9th floor as it's still quite dark...walking rounds and rounds the stairs...when i reached the 5th floor...i saw something...there was a cow soft toy sitting just at the corner of the stairs...with the dim lightings...the cow looks super scary...it looks so evil n staring at everyone who passes by....i held on to my bag tightly and hurried my way down....never had i see such an evil looking soft toy b4....after walking through some blks...i was almost at the bus stop....juz at this time...when i was walking pass one of the pillars...i was xia dao again...i saw a person who was looking down...he suddenly turned his head up slowly...and turned his face towards me...i swear the actions are juz like those ghostly things u see in scary movies...i've got weak heart....and i dan xiao...so i almost bei xia si.... February 26 Guitar....after learning guitar for yrs....it's not only that i'm still quite lousy...i've not perform in any of the mini workshop cum performance...cos teacher knows i dun like such things...but today...i did perform...i really thank hz n xw...they give me the confidence to perform on a stage.....i can't imagine performing alone...i was already shivering n having stage fright although we were playing together....n well...as usual...i forget my notes.....oh my greensleeves....haha....not only did i play guitar today...i sang...i dunno where i found the courage from...cos after gv17's singing presentation...i told myself that i will not sing on a stage again...
I really appreciate those we came down today...to me...it doesn't matter that you pple are not...the sincerety counts....
now...listening to the mp3s recorded....the pictures taken....i'm really happy...it was an experience that i treasured... =) February 07 新年。。After talking to my family members, we then recall that we've not been in singapore for 2 yrs during cny. i can see fireworks from my living room window again..there are ard 7 places in johor that have fireworks.
新年快乐。。。 January 27 i miss my life....felt so homely when i went to the welfare home today....it seems such a long long time i've not felt tat way.....guessed my life is juz less colourful without volunteering....miss the good old days in interact club n VM....the weekly visits...the kids' world..to think abt it...even the SPCA event....though tough and tiring at times...the kind of happiness i recieved from volunteering can never be replaced by anything...these things keep my life complete...
feeling so far from nature too....i miss the greens....i miss the sea....i miss the moutains...i miss the pretty flowers and the birds chirping....i miss beautiful sunsets that will always bring a smile on my face...
my camera has been resting too...i miss the days tat i can juz go out n shoot photos...i miss the days that inspiration juz come by...
i miss the times that things juz seem simpler...and time juz seem longer....i miss my life.... January 18 harsh realitythese days, i've been getting insults from some pple. be it intentionally or unintenionally, it doesn't feel gd. i don't confront those who insulted me but these just set my mind thinking if i'm really that lousy. *sigh* sad to say, i guessed they're rite, i'm juz lousy. i admit. it seems like these insults are both valid and reliable. validity: the ending evaluation and results show that it's true. reliability: more than 1 person confirmed the same thing. affirmation. i just have to swollow everything and move one. cos, that is life. face it. January 16 wk 2...oh well....it's the 2nd wk of sch...nono..it's only the 2nd wk of sch...n it feels juz like the sem is already ending...looking at the quizzes/assignments/reports due everywk..i swear...for what that i know...there's at least 1 thing due a wk...except recess wk....n in a number of wonderful wks..there's surely more than 1 thing due....i guess there are still some unknown ones waiting for me....
much that i want to love sch for the last sem..i juz can't help to hate it....haha......
January 05 how to remove sway-ness?any gd mtd to remove swayness?...pass it to someone?....go temple and pray?....bear with it till the the sway period is gone?....haha.....
sz symptoms of swayness
December 03 how i spent my days....i guessed...not counting the days that i'm working....most of my time has been spent at home.....haha....
did observation for practical papers on last mon-wed.....it's tiring as i've to wake up latest at 6am every morning....but i'm glad that i met nice pple.....i now have some basic knowledge on the following:
Restaurant Service
Housekeeping
Setting coffee table/ breakfast set
it seems easy to juz sit there are observe...but the job is tough in other ways...i was quite troubled by those problems.....but haf to thanks yh to allow me to 想通... =) for my days at home...i've completed a mini jigsaw puzzle for my sis...n a 500 piece jigsaw...this jigsaw has been lying around since after my birthday....the following is the process =)
not only....i played computer monopoly (my luck is real bad)....played roller coaster tycoon...played stupid popcap games........hey hey...i din slack all my way ok...i oso did help out wif housework....i wash....iron.....vacuum.....cook...today my lucky family members get to enjoy my cooking....haha.....i can foresee more days coming up that i'll be at home =) |
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